Stardust

Stardust

Stardust is a great movie. It has romance, action, magic, and some humor. All of those things are great to me. It's the story about a young man who is kind of an outcast in his hometown in England before the Industrial Revolution. He sees a falling star and offers to retrieve it to impress a girl he likes and journeys to a magical land where the fallen star is not what he expected and he isn't the only one after it.

The movie starts with a letter from a young man named Dunstan Thorne from a village called Wall in England. He wrote to a scientist at the London Royal Academy asking if another world could exist beside our own. The scientist explained that such notions were poppycock, so the boy set out to find out if it was true. Their village was called Wall because of a wall that ran beside it which was said to divide their world from another one. One night Dunstan was arguing with the old man keeping guard at a broken section of the wall. Dunstan argued that there was nothing beyond that wall other than the field they could both clearly see. The guard said that for hundreds of years the wall has stood and for hundreds of years the gap had been guarded against crossings, so Dunstan was not about to have permission to go through. Dunstan started walking home and then quickly reversed direction to run past the unprepared guard. He ran through the aforementioned field and beyond that found a path to a market, lively even at night. There he saw strange wonders like a miniature elephant with two front ends, a jar full of eyes that still moved and looked at things, and a slave girl who claimed to be a princess tricked by a witch. The girl sold him a small white flower called a Snowdrop for a kiss and then lead him into her mistress's wagon while the witch was at a bar. Dunstan went back home and nine months later he was given a token to remember his time with the slave girl, their son whom she named Tristan had be left at the gap in the wall for him.
Tristan grew up and got a job at a grocer, but dreamed of dating the most popular girl in town, Victoria. Victoria, however, was being courted by a wealthy young man named Humphrey. Tristan picked some wildflowers to give to Victoria and called out to her outside her window one evening. Humphrey then showed up and tossed Tristan's flowers to the ground with his cane and had in-hand a dozen roses for Victoria. Tristan picked up a stick to try to return the favor to Humphrey but Humphrey defeated him easily, remarking that Tristan was terrible at fencing in school.
The next day Tristan is at work helping customers when Victoria shows up, cuts to the front of the line and demands that Tristan fulfill her shopping order immediately and carry the items home. Tristan is lovestruck so he is only too happy to oblige and loses his job. After encouraging words from his father that evening Tristan again goes to Victoria's window and asks that she join him because he has a surprise for her. Showing her character, Victoria is only too happy to go along with him as long as she is being given stuff. She cares nothing for Tristan's affection, only materialistic things.





Tristan prepared a candlelight picnic for Victoria. Victoria tells him that Humphrey is rumored to be going to the town of Ipswich to get her a ring to propose. She can't very well say no after he goes all the way to Ipswich. Tristan, incredulous at this mindset, vows to travel the world for her hand in marriage. He would go to California and bring her back her weight in gold, to Africa to get a diamond as big as her fist, or to the Arctic to slaughter a polar bear and bring back its head. The last one didn't have the same affect on Victoria as the first two, of course.
At the same time, across the wall in Stormhold, the king is on his deathbed and asks his four remaining sons to come to him. His sons are named Primus, Secondus, Tertias, and Septimus, for their order of birth. The king remarks the he had killed all 12 of his brothers before their father was even sick to lock in his place as heir. At that he invites Secondus to look out the window at the kingdom and gestures to Septimus to take care of Secondus. After he falls to his death Secondus finds that his other three brothers' spirits are all trapped in the land of the living, invisible spectators until the new king of Stormhold is crowned. He has to join them. The king asks about his daughter Una, but Primus says no one has seen her in years. Septimus is accused of doing away with her too, but he says he has no need since only a male heir can become king. The king then decides that an unusual method for deciding the new king must be taken. He takes his ruby pendant and the color drains out of it until it is clear and says that only he of royal blood can restore the ruby, and the one who does so will be the next king of Stormhold. He lets go of the necklace and it floats in the air, the king dies, and then the necklace darts past the three princes out into the night sky where it flies higher and higher until it collides with a star and knocks it out of its place in the heavens.
Tristan and Victoria see the falling star and Victoria remarks on how beautiful it is. Tristan says that he will get her that star for her hand in marriage even though it appears to have fallen on the other side of the wall. Victoria agrees, and promises that if he can bring back the star by her birthday in one week she will marry him and not Humphrey.
Capricious, ain't she?

Tristan and the princes aren't the only ones after the star. A witch notices the falling star as well, so she wakes her two sisters. These women are old, I mean, real old, so old they make Yzma from Emperor's New Groove look young. There's a reason they want the star. See, the star isn't a meteorite, it isn't a ball of gas, it's a young woman. If someone were to cut out the heart of a star and eat it, they would have eternal life. Well, they would if they weren't a witch. The witches had a heart from the last fallen star, they had been rationing it for a while, and when one of the sisters is chosen (by cheating) to go get this one, she is given the last piece of the heart and it rejuvenates her into a hot Michelle Pfeiffer. Using magic, though, would use up the youth the heart provided.
Tristan goes to the wall to try to cross and the guard (the same one his father encountered) stops him. At first the guard mistook Tristan for his father and the guard lets slip the Dunstan had crossed the wall before. Tristan tries the same trick his father used but this time the guard was ready. He vaulted over the wall and fought Tristan back through using his walking stick. He beat Tristan worse than Humphrey did at the beginning of the movie.
At home while nursing his wounds Tristan talks to his father about the wall and Dunstan tells him the story of how he met his mother (but unlike the TV show it doesn't take 9 years). He gives Tristan part of the magical chain he had cut that bound the girl to the witch (no, not one of the witches after the star). He also gives him the Snowdrop, it was glass, not a real flower, so it's still in pristine condition. Tristan is also given a letter left to him by his mother. She wrote that she would have kept him if the witch had allowed her to, but of course as a slave she couldn't. The letter was wrapped around a black candle which she said was the fastest way to travel. If Tristan lit the candle and thought of his mother he would go to her in an instant. His father helped him light the candle and off he went.
The girl who was a star picked herself up off the ground where she landed and put on the necklace that caused her downfall, and then saw a bright light traveling towards her. Tristan then crashed into her and mistook her for his mother. She assured him that she wasn't his mother and then he realized what happened. He was thinking about his mother at first, but then started thinking about Victoria and the star. Then Tristan realized he was standing in a crater and he asked the girl who was not his mother if she had seen the star. She thought he was joking, but then she described what happened to the star and how it was hit by a "magical flying moron." Tristan then puts the pieces together and realizes that she is the star.
You think Victoria will still be impressed if he brings her another woman?





The three princes are drinking a toast with the Bishop who is to crown the next king when the Bishop falls dead of poison in his wine along with Tertias. Septimus had hoped to poison his two brothers and spare the Bishop, but Primus grabbed the wrong cup and was spared instead. The two of them set out for the ruby.
Lamia, the witch, meets Ditchwater Sal, the witch who is keeping Tristan's mother a slave. The two witches share a meal and Sal had laced Lamia's meal with a truth-telling herb so she learns all about the star. Lamia is a much more powerful witch, though, so she curses Sal that she cannot see, hear, touch, or perceive the star in any way, ensuring another witch will not get in her way. Tristan's mother observes the whole encounter.
Yvaine, the star, agrees to go with Tristan to meet Victoria in return for the rest of his candle, called a Babylon Candle, so she can get back to the night sky. She can't stand traveling during the day since stars are used to sleeping during the day, so Tristan leaves her chained to a tree (with the magic chain his father gave him) and goes to get food while she rests. A unicorn frees her and takes her to an inn, however the inn was not there that morning, it was created by Lamia as a trap. Tristan finds the tree where he left Yvaine and sits down next to it, resting himself since it is now night. The stars tell him that Yvaine is being chased by the same witches who killed the last fallen star 400 years prior and that a coach is coming by that will let him get to her in time to save her. The coach is run by Primus who is the only good prince, so he allows Tristan to get a ride. They stop at the inn, neither knowing that what they both seek is there. Lamia was about to cut out Yvaine's heart when Primus knocked on the door. Primus gets into the bath that Yvaine had used and then goes on and on about his father's fabulous carriage that he now owns, not noticing that Yvaine is wearing the stone he is seeking. Lamia attempts to poison Tristan while he is in the stable with the horses, but the unicorn saves him. He runs in to warn Primus about the treachery but Primus gets his throat slit by the special knife (looks like obsidian, maybe) that Lamia has to use to cut out Yvaine's heart. Tristan and Yvaine try to flee but Lamia cuts them off with magical fire. Tristan then grabs the Babylon Candle and tells Yvaine to think of home. Then he thrusts his hand into the fire to light the candle and they both get out just as Lamia is about to stab them so she breaks the knife on the wall.
Turns out Tristan meant think of his home, but Yvaine thought of her home, so they ended up in the clouds, so they were halfway between their homes. They got picked up by pirates who crew a flying ship and poach lightning.
First witches, now pirates. However will they get out of this mess?





The pirates put the couple in their ship's brig for the night. The two of them stay up talking about life, adventure, and Victoria. Yvaine doesn't understand why Tristan has to do this to prove his love for Victoria when she will make no such gestures to show her feelings for him. Tristan says she'll understand when she meets Victoria. Yvaine then says one of the best lines of the movie:
"Murdered by pirates, heart torn out and eaten, meet Victoria. I can't quite decide which one sounds more fun."






Tristan and Yvaine are questioned by the pirate captain. The whole crew of the ship is at the top of the stairs to the brig listening through the door while the captain makes various threats against the two of them. Tristan says he is just trying to get them home to Wall when the captain reacts very badly and decides he's had enough of Tristan. The crew knows what's about to happen and run up to the side of the ship in time to see the captain dump Tristan out the window to fall to his death. He then drags Yvaine screaming back to his chamber and threatens the men to stay away or they'll be thrown overboard to. When he gets Yvaine into his room and locks the door they greet Tristan standing there in his long johns, a dummy had been dressed in his clothes and thrown overboard instead. The captain switches from a gruff pirate demeanor to a flamboyant, dainty one. He introduces himself as Captain Shakespeare, saying that to his crew and his enemies he is "Shake Spear!" but in his mind he follows the bard of England. For Captain Shakespeare tales of England are myths, but he loved them as a child and believed them to be true. He was so happy to have two people he could talk to and be himself around. He outfitted them with new clothes and had a magic brush that gave Tristan long hair so the pirates wouldn't recognize him. When they made their next port Tristan came out of hiding while the crew was trading their cargo of lightning and was introduced as the captain's nephew. Shakespeare gives Yvaine to Tristan in front of the crew as a gift to make his journey more fun. Along the way Shakespeare teaches Tristan swordplay and teaches Yvaine how to dance. One night while dancing with the captain Yvaine's hair begins to glow and Shakespeare tells her that he knows what she is. Her hair immediately stops glowing and she looks afraid but he reassures her that no one aboard his vessel intends her any harm, despite the rumored value of a star's heart. He advises her to keep her emotions in check so she can hide better. Tristan then cuts in and dances with Yvaine and her hair glows brighter than before within seconds.
Captain Shakespeare sends them off on the road leading to the market where Tristan's parents met so he can get back home. He gives Tristan a canister of lightning as a parting gift and whispers something to him. As they are walking away he bids them adieu in his true persona. His first mate clears his throat and he switches back to pirate persona which causes the men to cheer and the first mate just rolls his eyes.







Lamia and Septimus and his men and getting closer to Tristan and Yvaine. Septimus traces them to Shakespeare's ship and goes in to question the captain while his men take care of the crew. Before they get on board Shakespeare puts on a record and paints his mole with a heart shape like a beauty mark. The record that he's playing (at least as far as the audience can hear) is the Can-Can. Before the prince's men and the pirates begin their fight the pirates bow to the fighters. The fighters bow in return and before they come up out of their bow the pirates attack, cause, you know-- pirates. The well choreographed fight sequence times the ring of the swords against each other to the music, which is pretty darn awesome if you ask me. Shakespeare is in his cabin unaware of the fight going on, he's having fun being himself. He's in his secret wardrobe and is trying to pick out a dress to wear. He's reveling in the music and the outfits when Septimus finds him. Next thing we know Septimus has Shakespeare pressed down on his desk with a bloody nose and a dagger to his throat asking about Yvaine. They both hear the sound of many voices saying "Arrrr" and look up to see the whole pirate crew, the clear victors of the fight, rushing to the aide of their captain. Septimus realizes he can't succeed against those odds and jumps out the window (the ship is docked in a lake so he dives into the water and is fine).
Shakespeare is upset after the fight, the crew is worried that he may have betrayed Yvaine and Tristan, but no, he is actually upset that they saw him in his true state, he was wearing the underclothes for a dress when Septimus came in, still wearing it then. The crew assures him that he is still their captain Shakespeare. One chimes in "We always knew you was a whoopsie." The rest of the crew moves him to the back and moves into his old place. He spoke the unspoken, the thing they all knew and no one ever mentioned, so they hid him and continued on like it hadn't been said. I find it very amusing and also touching that they valued their captain as he was but still allowed him the fun of playing a role.






While traveling the road to the market, Tristan and Yvaine see a marker saying that it is 60 miles to the wall, which would take 2 days, but Victoria's birthday is the next day. Providence shines on them, though, and they see Ditchwater Sal and her wagon approaching. Yvaine saw her when Shakespeare was selling his lightning and heard that she has dealings at the market so she figures they can hitch a ride with her. When they approach her to ask for a ride she sees the flower Tristan is wearing and claims it is hers and she has been looking for it for 18 years. His mother is there but has been transformed into a bird, but she realizes this is her son. Tristan barters the flower back to Sal for safe passage to the wall. Sal agrees and promises he will arrive in the same condition he is in currently. After he hands over the flower Sal tells him that the flower is very powerful and protected him from what she was about to do. She casts a spell on him and he turns into a mouse. Yvaine is upset and tries to fight Sal but is unable to touch her or provoke any kind of reaction. Lamia's curse was in effect and Ditchwater Sal could not interact with the star in any manner. Sal locked Tristan in a small cage inside her wagon and Yvaine helped herself inside and insulted and threatened Sal knowing she couldn't be heard. While alone with Tristan for the ride she professed her love for him, thinking that he couldn't understand her as a mouse.
They get to the market and Tristan is transformed back into himself, but the transformation disorients him so Yvaine helps him to a nearby inn, aptly named The Slaughtered Prince.
While they are resting Lamia is still in communication with her sisters who tell her that Tristan and Yvaine are heading towards the wall. Lamia hardly considers that good news as she reveals (to the audience, her sisters knew) that if Yvaine crosses the threshhold into the human world she will become a true fallen star, just a lump of rock.
After resting Tristan reveals that he understood what Yvaine said while he was a mouse and says that she doesn't need to be embarrassed. The thing that Shakespeare whispered to him as they parted ways was that his true love was right in front of his eyes. Tristan agreed and tells Yvaine he loves her too. Her hair gets very bright then, of course.
In the morning Tristan sneaks a snippet of Yvaines hair and puts it in a handkerchief and sneaks out. He tries to leave a note but the inn proprietor doesn't want to look for paper at such an early hour. Tristan instead leaves a message that he's gone to see Victoria because he's found his true love and wants to spend the rest of his life with her.






Yvaine decides to go see Tristan in Wall and find out why he chose Victoria over her. While walking through the market she's seen by Tristan's mother, in her normal form again, who tries to get her attention to stop her. Tristan's mother decides the lock the sleeping Sal in her wagon and take it after Yvaine to save her from crossing over.
Tristan arrives at Victoria's house and gives her a birthday greeting. She is only mildly surprised by his transformation with the longer hair and new outfit and everything in just a week. She wants her star. He gives her the handkerchief and then she decides she wants him. Tristan takes Victoria in his arms, dips her for dramatic effect, leans in close, and tells her she needs to grow up and get over herself. Then he drops her to the ground. Humphrey walks up at that exact moment and pulls a sword out of his cane to get revenge for Tristan treating his woman so. Tristan takes out his own sword he had gotten while on the pirate ship and waves it in a skillful practice motion. Humphrey decides better and backs down. Tristan tells Humphrey that he has no need to fear and wants Humphrey and Victoria to be happy together. Victoria opens the handkerchief and is mad that all she got was a handful of stardust. Tristan looks at it and realizes that Yvaine cannot cross the wall.
It's now a mad dash for the wall. Yvaine is walking slowly, depressed over her mistaken break up with Tristan. Tristan is running through Wall trying to get to the location that gives it their name to stop Yvaine from turning into a rock. Tristan's mother is driving Sal's wagon to try to catch Yvaine before it is too late with Sal in the back getting tossed around by the jarring motions. Lamia is still in Primus's carriage and is trying to stop Yvaine to capture her and take her back home where they have another special knife to cut out her heart. Septimus is now on his own and is trying to find the stone Yvaine wears and he also wants Yvaine now so he can be king forever.
Yvaine is about to cross the wall when she is grabbed by Tristan's mother who tells her that she will die if she steps onto human soil. Sal breaks out of the back of the wagon and is upset with Tristan's mother thinking she drove them there for no reason at all since she still can't see Yvaine. Then Lamia arrives and kills Sal. Tristan's mother is happy because her chain is finally broken and she is free. Lamia then orders Yvaine to get into the carriage but Tristan's mother tells Lamia that Yvaine is staying with her. Lamia has no problem with that and takes the leftover part of the slave chain and binds the two women together and takes both of them.
Tristan arrives and finds the guard deserting his post, afraid of the witches and magic that goes on on the far side of the wall. He tells Tristan what happened and Tristan goes to the wagon and finds the Snowdrop flower and then takes the horse from the wagon and rides off to rescue Yvaine. Not long after Septimus arrives and sees the carnage left over and follows the tracks towards the witches' home.






Tristan and Septimus finally meet outside the witches' mansion. Tristan recognized him from what Primus had told him earlier. They look in and see the four women with Yvaine (they don't know that Tristan's mother isn't a witch and is their new slave) and decide to work together. Septimus goes in first and corners the first woman he finds, Tristan's mother. Of course, Septimus knows her real name, it's his long lost sister, Una. He leaves her to go fight the first of the sisters, Empusa. Empusa conjures fire and throws it at Septimus. While he's fighting her Tristan comes charging and and also goes for Una. She stops him and tells him that she is his mother. They both then watch the fight between Empusa and Septimus. Septimus can't even use his sword against her because she heats it up so he has to drop it. She keeps laughing, which seems to be her thing. She throws fire at him again and while she is laughing he finds a falchion in a large urn and hurls it at her. She is pinned against a wall, impaled on the large sword and laughs again. But it is her last laugh and she dies. Mormo, the other sister, is about to confront Septimus but Lamia stops her and instead pulls out a soft clay figure. She bends the figures right arm sharply and Septimus's arm snaps and he drops his sword (again). She then does the same to his right leg and he falls. There are still some smoldering flames on his jacked from Empusa's fire so she decides to help him put out those flames and drops the voodoo doll into a fountain. Septimus rises up into the air as if he was floating underwater and drowns. He joins his brothers' spirits watching the fight. They don't know that Una had a son so they suppose they must all "live" together forever.
Tristan goes to fight Mormo and sends Una outside for her own safety. Instead of fighting Mormo directly, he notices the reactions of all the caged animals to her (they keep lots of animals for divinations via entrail reading) and uses his sword to break open the locks on the cages and the animals kill Mormo and then run out the front door.
That just leaves Tristan and Lamia. Lamia asks him if he'd like to be a frog or tadpole and fires a spell at him, but the spell stops about a foot away from him. She tries again to the same effect. Tristan then reveals he has the Snowdrop flower (stupid Tristan) so she instead uses magic to levitate objects and throw them at him. He then breaks out the canister of lightning and shoots her, knocking her away. She lands next to the fountain and grabs Septimus's voodoo doll and uses it to make his corpse fight Tristan. Tristan stabs it repeatedly to no effect, so he finally drops a chandelier on it and uses the rope to bring him crashing down on Lamia next to Yvaine. He fights Lamia who is surprisingly good with the obsidian knives they have and fights him to a standstill and knocks away his sword in mere moments. He is standing over the slab where they have Yvaine strapped down, Lamia standing there with two knives while he is defenseless. Lamia looks to her sisters' bodies and then cries out loudly as she brings down one of her knives. Tristan and Yvaine are both in shock as they realize she cut the strap holding down Yvaine. She says that youth and beauty are meaningless without her sisters to share it with. She tells them to go so they run towards the front door to meet up with Una. Problem is that before they get to the door it slams shut as well as all the windows. Lamia's crying changed to laughing, it was all a ploy to get Yvaine's hope up to put more emotion into her heart. Lamia is glad she now has the heart all to herself. She breaks the windows in the front hallway inward causing Tristan and Yvaine to retreat back closer to the slab where she was just freed. Yvaine tells Tristan to close his eyes and hold on tight. He asks what is she going to to. She responds, "What do stars do best? Shine."
Then a really, really awesome score is playing as she shines brighter and brighter, so bright that Lamia bursts into ash. Tristan asked why she didn't do that earlier and she told him that she couldn't because no star can shine with a broken heart, but when he came back her heart was mended. He told that he came back because he loves her.
Yvaine goes to hug Una, glad to see that she made it through the conflict and Tristan notices that Yvaine's necklace had broken when she went nova. He picks up the clear jewel from the center but before he has a chance to give it to her it turns red in his hands. The ghostly princes are confused until Una declares that he is the sole male heir of the Stormhold bloodline and rightful king. The princes then move on to the next life and the scene shifts to the conclusion.







Tristan is crowned king of Stormhold, with Yvaine as his queen. They invite not only the people of Stormhold (the pirates are guests of honor) but also the people of Wall are in attendance. Tristan's parents are back together and looking happy to be with one another again. Una gives them a wedding gift, another Babylon Candle.
In the audience Shakespeare looks over to Humphrey sitting with Victoria and gives him a little wink to which Humphrey responds with a small smile. Victoria is not happy with that, ha ha.
Tristan and Yvaine ruled Stormhold for the next 80 years, but as the narrator says, no man can live forever except he who possesses the heart of a star, and Yvaine had given hers to Tristan completely. After their children and grandchildren are grown they light the Babylon Candle and both become stars in the sky.


I really enjoy this movie, mostly because of the magic, but the romance is really great as well. The score is also noteworthy, especially the pirate fight and when Yvaine destroys Lamia.
Oh yeah, and Humphrey, who was receptive to Shakespeare's flirtations, was played by Henry Cavill, now known for portraying Superman in Man of Steel.